


The Fox Is Now The Goat Cheese

by iheartmwpp



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, I Don't Know Why I Keep Posting All These Old Horrible Things, Something's Really Wrong Here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 15:10:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iheartmwpp/pseuds/iheartmwpp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...I got nothin'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fox Is Now The Goat Cheese

Disclaimer: Apparently if you want to become a better writer, you should copy word for word the works of your favorite authors. GUESS WHO'S TYPING OUT THE ENTIRETY OF DEATHLY HALLOWS.

~*~*~

The centipedes were racing in their sailboats one sunny afternoon in Saskatchewan. One of them reflected how his dreams were far trippier back when he was taking acid. Another told him that his blanket was exploding and that he needed a pickle to come and sort this mess out. The ladybugs then decided to devolve into ceiling fans, which destroyed all of their underwear. George Clooney came over, and said that he wasn't expecting the turnips to ride the Mayflower. The turtles proceeded to chomp on some meat-filled pies stuffed with ostriches and soba noodles. Cell phones put microwaves inside your brain, so you can eat HOT POCKETS whenever you want. They're more pliable than window panes.

Meanwhile, back in Italy, Teddy Lupin was skipping along in his little rollerblades that also had razor blades attached. He was picked up and spun around in a big hug by Big Bird, who gave him some paparazzi and told him to lick his toenails once a day before going to bed. The spinach was nearly ready, so the horse quickly finished his painting of the Mona Lisa. The cocker spaniel wondered why there wasn't any air underwater and the fish wondered, in turn, why they couldn't fly like normal gorillas. The dolphins were eating pastrami when Mary Poppins decided to play her guitar out on the back porch of the White House. And, of course, the chocolate chips had melted, dripping into the eyes of the tortilla chips, who went blind and had to spend the rest of their days in a petting zoo.

And now for something completely different. A man with a house in his stomach lining. But first, a bit of fun.

"Oh, oh, OOOH! Let's go fly a kite, up to the highest height! Let's go fly a kite, and send it soaring up to the atmosphere, up where the air is clear! Oh, let's gooooooooooooooooooo fly a kite!" Remus sang happily while flying a huge, bright orange kite that had a rhinoceros riding on the back of it. How did he manage to keep it in the air, you ask? Um…werewolves are freaking weird like that…?

Dumbledore took one look up from his book, spalled himself, and ate a plate of soil with engine oil, a super recipe. I hardly need to mention, but it's practically free.

"I WANT A PRETTY PONY 11111111" shouted Severus while streaking through the daisies and daffodils. The flowers then all started singing WHAT'S UP PEOPLE by Insert Band Name Here, rocking out on their air banjos and dancing the Macarena with the greasy dude. The leprechauns flew in on their magical flaming torches and were eaten by Sirius, who was running past and belting out Bad Romance.

"Very good, Sirius!" Voldemort complemented him. "I'm going to make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!"

"Hey, that's my line, you bastard!" shouted Harry, impaling Voldemort with a tuning fork. Walking offstage to a standing ovation, he went on to become the star of It's Raining Men: The Musical.

And now:

AIRPORT TERMINALS!


End file.
